Adrián (£5.0m): Football is a cruel mistress. After the Premier League’s most impotent team managed to score past the joint-second stingiest defence in Europe’s top five divisions last weekend, thumbing its nose at poor old Fraser Forster along the way, this column just doesn’t know what to believe any more. Why not try Adrián, it says. If only for his very satisfying full name on the Fantasy Football website, Adrián San Miguel del Castillo.
Ashley Williams (£5.2m): Swansea have a nice little run of games coming up, including three out of the next four at home (where they have conceded a mere four goals in six games). Ashley Williams is not going to score much, but he’s about as reliable as they come, and he also has a lovely little smile in his profile picture, which surely has to count for something.
Paul Konchesky (£4.5m): While we’re on profile pictures, a bit more of a dead-eyed stare, this one. But getting back to the important issues, this column suspects that Nigel Pearson, as something of a no-nonsense centre-back in his playing days, might feel the need to take matters rather forcefully into his own hands if his Leicester team cannot keep clean sheets against two of their next three opponents, namely QPR and Aston Villa.
Marouane Fellaini (£6.3m): The Belgian has quietly snuck himself back into the Manchester United team in recent weeks, having now featured in every minute of their last four matches. United are playing Hull and Stoke in their next two games. That just sounds right, doesn’t it? “Late Fellaini winner sinks Hull”. “Potters picked off by Fellaini”. We might ask someone else to write the headlines.
Raheem Sterling (£8.4m): Stoke, Leicester, Sunderland. Not the opening stops on this column’s upcoming tactical masterclass tour, but rather Liverpool’s next three games. With Mario Balotelli’s absence having opened the door for someone who – you know – scores occasionally, this could be the start of something for the Reds. Not something like last year’s something. But something not quite as rubbish as this year’s something.
Danny Ings (£5.7m): After a quiet run in front of goal, if it’s not too harsh to call one goal in six games a quiet run in front of goal, Burnley have started scoring, with a princely seven in their last six. Danny Ings is finding his feet, there are fixtures against Aston Villa and QPR coming up, all is rosy again at Turf Moor, no? Even if they are still 19th.
Olivier Giroud (£8.1m): The Frenchman has scored two goals in a total of 88 minutes on the pitch this season, and is now back in business after injury. Finally the Emirates army of probers and prompters have someone who might actually shoot every now and then!
Raheem Sterling. Because Liverpool are closer to the bottom three than the top four at the moment, and that’s really not going to last for ever.
MORE: Man United latest news
MORE: Arsenal latest news
MORE: Chelsea latest news
MORE: Liverpool latest news